The Stalker Initiative (Part 2 of 2)

Storytime with the Gamer Girl, Holly.

So how does freaky internet stalker somehow correspond with real life Holly? Well this story goes back in time a couple of years when I had a few more friends than I do now. One of these friends, a beautiful girl who’s name I won’t say here, picked me up during one of her school breaks, she was off two weeks in town, and so every day we’d go to this little coffee shop.

I live in a very small town in Eastern, US. In the bible belt no less. And so me and this friend had a running joke, well I’m a bisexual, and well you can imagine how the bible belt in Bodunk, USA reacts to lesbians. My friend isn’t into girls, but hates the town. So we liked to pretend we were girlfriends at this coffee shop, really lay it on, and see how many people we could drive away.

So our first day there’s a guy that is obviously excited to see us play up this role. So I point him out to my friend and we -really- play up this role. And then we leave and I think nothing of it.

So we go day two, and the guy’s there again, maybe he’s a regular? I’m not, no idea. Day three? Guy shows up right after we do. Day four? Same, shows up right after we do. Day five, I’m paranoid, start paying attention. Day 6, I notice a car that followed us day before. Day 7, I manage to by making it park in front of the window see it’s the guy’s car. On day 8, I get the biggest scare, he starts following us at the block -on my street.- So he’s been tailing my friend from somewhere at the very earliest before picking me up (I have no license) and worst case scenario at -her- house. Now I’m afraid, and guilty, I may have given some psycho killer my friend’s address, I have to fix this, and I have to fix this -now.-

So we get to the coffee shop, and my friend is actually nonethewiser, I’m good at hiding my observations, and I like to think good at being slightly manipulative. So I fill her in, explain to her what’s happened, point out the guy. And in a fit of “I will fix this, because this could seriously hurt my friend.” I do something crazy, people who know me will know I’m very protective of my friends and very dismissive of myself. So I simply tell her to follow my lead, grab her hand, and go and sit with creepy stalker guy.

So when we sit down his eyes are as big as saucers, he obviously wasn’t expecting that. He’s stammering as I say in my best flirty voice “mind if we sit here?” He stammers out an affirmative. I yank my friend, who’s looking at me like I’m nuts, and well, I am, but, that’s besides the point! So my brain is trying to work a million miles an hour at how to deal with this guy, and while I’m trying to think about it, my main goal at the moment is to keep face. “My…..friend really liked how you looked, and I can’t say I disagree, but she’s shy, and I’m obviously not, so I decided to….introduce us, I’m Melody, and she’s Clarice.” I say, and try very very hard to not say Clarice with the same intonation as Hannibal does in silence of the lambs.

So, my brain has clicked with an idea, easiest way to get rid of the stalker that freaks you out? Freak -them- out more! Yes, brilliant plan, no? Yeah, probably not, but I was working spur of the moment here people!

Time for a small interrupt. So to give some background about what’s about to happen, my friend, on her ankle has a burn scar from her curling iron that looks like a Y surrounded by a circle, dead ringer for it actually. So she has a skirt, and a flip flop on, so it’s visible. Now we return you to your regularly scheduled story.

So anyways, my brain has clicked, so I lean forward to try to show some of my severely lacking cleavage to the guy, who takes the moment to admire the view, my friend is still looking at me like I’m nuts so I kick her under the table to tip her off I have a plan.

“So, we’d like to get to know you better” I say as breathily and seductively as I can, I kick my friend again, and she nods in agreement. He also nods, strangely enough, and I’m like “and if you’re interested maybe that could be much….much better” He nods a lot more. “But first, we have to make sure you’re…..man enough to handle us.” and he nods again. “See, first we take you somewhere private.” He’s nodding and it looks like his head’s going to fall off, my friend however is also nodding but giving me a look that says she’s going to show me what hell looks like frozen.

“We take you somewhere private…….” I continue, “And we show you the bed.” “yeah?” He says. “Yeah,” I say “We show you the bed, and we pull out the straps.” He nods again, more furiously than ever. “Then we pull out the brand” He nods….realizes what I said, and catches it, suddenly looking very confused. “Yeah” I say, trying to breathe heavier, leaning forward more, trying to show arousal that isn’t there that is instead a big wave of fear that this won’t work. “Our brand, because we only get…intimate with people with the brand. And then we’re very……..very intimate”

He starts looking back and forth between us, my friend, bless her heart, is now seeing my plan and playing along, pushing her breasts up (god she had nice breasts.) and nodding. “My friend has had her brand a while, the brand of Yggdrasil. The Norse god of destruction.” I lie, hey, it was the first thing that popped into my head that started with Y. So I grab her leg, and literally jerk it up, she nearly falls out of her chair, the entire coffee shop including the guy sees her panties, and I point at her burn scar. “When you have the brand, you’re one…of…us…” I say breathily.

So by this point the guy looks like a caged squirrel surrounded by rabid wolves. With the entire coffee shop looking at our table, due to me literally turning my friend upside down he’s now in a very public, and slightly offsetting position. “Igottagobye” he says really quickly and darts away as fast his legs can literally carry him.

My friend nearly killed me after that, and I can’t blame her, but hey, it worked!

Story A + Story B = Conclusion C!

So what’s the point of all this? I guess mostly to share it. It’s odd that I could take the second how I did, and feel so powerful with the first. The anonymity of the internet is probably the scariest part. The fact I couldn’t -face- the person who was hunting me like an animal. And I wasn’t fueled by an animalistic desire to protect my friend. In the end though, I think the best thing you can do is seek help with the problem, there’s strength in numbers, and there’s certainly some strength in authority.

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