I’m not always the best with words, or with being really open. I’d prefer to make a joke than cry, or to hide away then let my tears bring someone a frown. This might give you an indication on what this post is about. This is my usual “I’m not dead, and I still desperately want to be here” post. It’s true, I get very passionate about writing, about making games, heck I started up a new podcast that is on hold till we get new internet because then i can maybe do it live *crosses fingers.* Anyway, it’s been a really trying time for me lately, and I guess you all deserve to know why.
Home life here has always been hit or miss, but that’s entirely due to one person, my father. Now anybody who knows me knows I work for him because being the….oddity I am, a lack of transportation, etc. . . it’s the only job I’ve been able to get that I can go to, I keep putting in applications and get a lot of ‘you’re ….not what we’re looking for.’ It’s a small town and everybody talks, and while not many in real life know I’m transsexual, other things haunt my record for the townsfolk, it’s known that I’m not Christian for example, and in the bible belt that’s akin to being marked for black death.
But after some issues, mom has, and rightfully in my mind, kicked my dad out. Unfortunately she can’t work, and while she’s trying extra hard to get disability through, it could take a while. That leaves me working to pay bills, with the stresses of having to work for aforementioned asshat. Between that, furiously trying to get another job, general stresses, and trying to avoid falling into a sinkhole of depression, I’ve not had much inspiration or motivation to write much outside of really terrible poetry, want really terrible poetry? I didn’t think so.
So what this means is I’m working really hard to pay for a house that’s a bit out of the range of what I can afford, with an extremely stressful job, and very little ability/desire to vent to others. So I withdraw for the most part into my little circles where I can focus on one thing and try essentially, not to think. I’m not sure how long this will last but like I said I should hopefully be able to do podcasts live soon, and that should help with time, and better internet for cheaper is going to hopefully keep me more sane. Less sane, more good crazy maybe? Who knows.
Anyway, I wanted to say thank you to everybody who’s been patient with me, but with special shoutouts to the guild Reckoning on Wyrmrest Accord, who has been very supportive of me in general, and been very kind, and kept me thoroughly entertained and distracted. To my friend Calvin, who has been there for me the most recently, helping make sure I wasn’t alone, putting up with my nonsense, and way too many hours leveling a druid because I need a small obtainable goal to work towards because that’s how I deal with stress. To my online and not blood sister, though we may as well be, Avenara, who helped me a great deal to get the computer that is literally the glue holding me together right now. Congratulations on the baby! Just read this morning! You’ll definitely have your hands full in the weeks to come. And to anybody who is still subscribed, still reads, still supports this crazy idea that someday I can actually be an editorialist, or a writer, that I could video game media, and who finds me entertaining enough to stick around. All 1.5 of you mean the world to me, and give me hope.
So if you see me on and my jokes are terrible, understand I’m just trying to bring happiness and silliness. If you wonder where I am, understand I’ll be back when I’m strong enough to smile. And to everybody that has read this far, thank you for your time, I hope I’m not too drama llama-y in your eyes. So be safe everybody, and catch ya later gamers.Read More
Yay! We have another new redesign, I also fixed the (apparently broken) RSS feed. I’m sorry for any problems that may have caused.
Website am to be working again! Any comments, questions, etc. . . below, but Finally got it working.Read More
Maybe, it’s late though, my head hurts quite a bit from trying to make things work the way I want them to.
If it explodes, please tell me.
If I explode, don’t tell me.
Click Azerothian Point of View for my World of Warcraft, alternatively click Gamer Girl’s Perspective for my gaming general blog.
Thank you and good night.
Cookies are Yummy, yay cookies.Read More